Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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