Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize