my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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