thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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