I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
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at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
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Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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