you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
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Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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