Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
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That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
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You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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