Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
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I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
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It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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