I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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