We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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