I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i think i just lost a toe
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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