So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i think i have two assholes
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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