So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
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Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize