1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Randomize