ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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