I must be too annoying 4 u.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize