Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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