oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
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and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
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Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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