1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
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the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
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The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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