I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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