my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize