She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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