Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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