No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize