Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i need some magic done to my vagina
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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