Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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