Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
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Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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