he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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