there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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