Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize