I just made out with a guy for $7.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Drunk is not a location!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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