this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize