Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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