My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize