she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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