I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
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once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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