the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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