all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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