No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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