be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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