He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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