You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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