So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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