For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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