captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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