My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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