Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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