I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
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Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
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Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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