well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
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I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
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Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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