3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize